One of my favorite posts from one of my other blogs. Please enjoy!
I am not angry, though this is not my normal response to the type of altercation that I was involved in, which just occurred. I think it may have been the first time ever in my life that I have tried to stop a blow-up/fight, period, much less trying to stop it by telling the crazy-ass-tryin-to-fight other party that I felt afraid.
It is not that I was afraid of him, or being hurt by him, because he can’t hurt me; very few have that ultimate power. It is that I have lost everything I could ever call mine, re-captured it, only to lose it again so many fucking times and I’m tired.
I’m sick of it.
I have lost everything I have owned at least three times before the age of 30.
I have lost custody of all five of my children.
I am on my third 60″ Vizeo Smart tv, just this year.
…and I totally was bragging and I shouldn’t be because I am still very much a pauper with no health insurance and zero monthly income.
My mind is so everywhere I won’t even sit down long enough to apply for my check, which I will undoubtedly be approved for, completely…if I would only file.
I am sick and tired of it.
This life has been mostly struggle. It has been a war.
Like Vietnam and Iraq….a few small victories, whatever the fuck that means, many casualties and deaths. But mostly, those wars even today, are still really hard to mentally grasp as to WHY IN THE FUCK they ever happened in the first place.
“Write Drunk, Edit Sober.” -Earnest Hemmingway
Write drunk, EDIT SOBER, write drunk, EDIT SOBER, write drunk, EDIT SOBER….
I really gotta be more diligent about the whole “edit sober” part.
July 4th, 2014 1:48 pm
Happy Independence Day United States of America!
Give me peace.
To be at ease with my soul.
To grow old and seek liberty and justice for all.
To face the cold and bear separation from the weak-minded.
To be bold and wear the wounds of the robust.
To be boastful in my beliefs and break the barriers of my dependence.
To seek independence and grant righteousness to the right.
To praise the bright and shed light upon the meek.
To rise above the norm and fight the status quo.
To be a dove and plant the seeds of forgiveness.
To be free for the Deebie Downer’s and give hope to the restless.
To unlock the vault and spread openness throughout the nation.
To remove the stigma and turn the stingers on the censorious.
To have the power to object domination and burn the rumors…
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Let’s talk a bit about this word, “grandiose”, and let’s also talk to all the contributors and followers and practitioners of the DSM-IV.
When a person is so sad for three weeks out of every month and when there are so many of those days when you find yourself in a LITERAL FIGHT WITH YOURSELF NOT TO END YOUR OWN LIFE because that’s just the most selfish thing in the world and only pussies end their own lives.
Ok, yeah, the topic just changed as quick as my mood.
I will GO TO MY GRAVE screaming from the mountaintops that there is nothing pussy about committing suicide. Committing suicide is the MOST ULTIMATELY FEAR-FACING THING A PERSON CAN EVER DO.
While I understand how people can think it’s also a selfish act, I actually think it’s selfish when people who lose others to suicide then speak of how a deceased person acted so selfishly.
Oh my God you people, quit being so fucking mean. Quit fucking judging everyone BUT YOURSELVES. There is not one who is better than another.
ALL OF US SUCK JUST ABOUT EQUALLY…if we didn’t we wouldn’t live on this prison planet.
Peace, love and non-judgement
When he gets home Ima tell him I’m drunk because I am drunk.
I never used to tell him I was drunk. I didn’t have to because it was apparent, as long as I was awake.
But then, this one day came, a couple of months ago, after my dog died, that I stopped drinking.
(The previous sentence was anathema to a country song)
And, in my mind, I AM still “stopped drinking”, even though sometimes I grant myself a day or two to make myself very intoxicated with alcohol.
I like to be very intoxicated with alcohol. It makes me feel happy most of the time, when otherwise I would be anxious and sad.
Honestly, I am still sad, because sadness never fully leaves me. It is always there, whispering as if it were God, quietly and profoundly still and small, yet….HUGE.
I am usually not a raging bitch when I drink. Usually, it just makes me feel normal.
Whatever the fuck that means.
I have much more to say, but I’m going to hold it like pee.
Peace, love and non-judgement.
Hemingway and Bukowski.
More vodka, please.
and then…when they get almost five million views on their YouTube channel(s), you will be really ashamed of them. Not anything like the faux-shame you heaped on their heads when they were little girls…but REAL SHAME AND EMBARRASSMENT when that shit comes back and bites YOU AND YOUR ESTEEMED WIFE’S ASSES.
HAHA…that’s not even one of my embarrassing videos.
I enjoy solitude. I think I enjoy solitude more than what is acceptable to regular folks. However, it is the regular folks who are the catalyst for my solitude.
Don’t get me wrong, I love regular folks and I also love irregular folks, but I enjoy the company of myself, along with Those whom remain invisible to the untrained eye(s).
One must learn how to use the third eye to see the invisible.
One must learn how to use the third eye to become invisible.
Yep, I got super-powers, do you?